Crashing and Burning
by AlmostHeaven
Summary: This fic is part missing scene and part tag for Pilot leaning more toward tag. Sam griefs for Jess and Dean struggles to help him. I know this has been done a hundred times but I just started writing Im gonna do it. Complete.
1. Room To Breathe

**Crashing and Burning**

By Almost Heaven

Rating K+ for mild language

Disclaimer: No, I don't own them but I would make a deal with the crossroad demon to borrow them for a wee bit. No really. I would. No? Sigh. Fine. So I'll have to pretend then

Summary: This fic is part missing scene and part tag for the pilot leaning more toward tag. Sam griefs for Jess and Dean struggles to help him.

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"We have work to go."

The trunk closed with an ominous sound. Dean wanted to reach out to Sam but he wasn't sure how he would take the attempt at comfort. They had just started to get used to each other again. Sam started to go round to the passenger side of the car but paused, one hand grabbed at the trunk unsteadily. Dean didn't even think about it then he just caught Sam's other arm to help prevent a fall. Sam reached up and gripped Dean's forearm, still leaning on the car as well.

For a moment, Sam looked Dean in the eye. He could see his baby brother's emotions laid bare before him, all the pain, grief, and confusion standing out in his hazel eyes. Sam straightened up with a deep breath, then he headed for the passenger side again but as he looked away Dean could see something else in his grieving brother's eyes… guilt.

What? Why should Sammy feel guilty? He didn't do this, that son of bitch that killed Mom did. Dean reluctantly let go of his arm when Sam started moving around the car again. Frowning, Dean turned to see someone approaching the car, a cop by the look of him. Great, here we go.

Dean hurried to the front of the car to intercept the officer as Sam slowly folded into the impala. The officer raised an eyebrow at the obvious attempt to head him off from Sam but he didn't try to go around Dean.

"Mr. Winchester, I'm Officer Malcolm Bryant," he said going straight to the point. "I realize this is a difficult time for you and your brother but I do need a statement from the both of you."

Dean glances back at the car where Sam was sitting with his arm over his eyes, leaning his head back. Dean knew his brother had to be exhausted. Neither of them had gotten much sleep in the last few days and were unlikely to in the near future by the look of Sam right now. His baby brother needed rest, he needed room to breathe. He did not need this cop giving him a hard time. He looked back at the cop, determined to stall what was obviously going to be a painful time for Sam.

"Look, Officer Bryant is it. Sammy is exhausted, we were driving for a quite a while before we got back. Could we do this later? I'm not trying to ditch you but my brother just lost his girlfriend here. Cut us some slack, will ya?"

"Tell you what, Mr. Winchester. You and your brother show up at the station in the morning, bright and early…."Officer Bryant suggested.

Dean sighed with relief. "Absolutely." He holds out his hand to the officer. The man shakes his hand and gives him his card." Call me if you need anything." Dean takes the card. Not likely he thinks to himself although he was impressed with the gesture.

Dean climbed into the car, looking at his brother next to him. Sam didn't move and Dean didn't expect him to. He just started driving.

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	2. Numb

**Crashing and Burning **Chapter two

By Almost Heaven

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Dean pulled in front of the motel office and turned off the engine. Sam hadn't said a word since they left the scene of the fire. He just sat there the side of his head against the window with his eyes closed and tears drying on his face. Dean knew his little brother was not asleep but had let him be. Sam didn't seem to have noticed they had stopped. Dean gently put a hand on his shoulder, trying not to startle him. Sam opened his eyes and looked at him although he avoided looking him directly in the eye.

He cleared his throat, "We're there already?" Sam looked at the motel and then moved to leave the car. Dean's hand hadn't left his shoulder. He gave it a slight squeeze. "I'll get us a room. Just wait here okay?" He waited for Sam to nod. When he did, Dean went in. Dean had no idea how long they would be staying or if Sam was really leaving with him. It's only been a few hours since the fire. Everything was happening so fast yet moving in painful slow motion.

The clerk didn't seem to care too much who he was or about the singed condition of his clothes. Dean was fine with that. The last thing he needed was some stranger nosing around in his business. He picked up the keys and headed out of the hotel to find Sam leaning on the closed passenger side door with his arms crossed, staring into the distance.

"We're in room 112, there, Sam." Before he could say anything else, Sam was moving numbly toward the motel. Dean handed him a key and quickly grabbed his duffel from the trunk. Locking the car, he headed after his brother. Sam was already in the room, having left the door slightly open for his big brother. Inside, he found Sam sitting of the end of the bed furthest from the door. His elbows were on his knees and his head was in his hands.

Dean put his bag on the other bed and began searching through it. As he found some clothes that should fit Sam, his baby brother gave a slight jump and then pulled his phone from his jeans pocket. He pressed the answer button without even looking at the phone, a weary hand on his forehead.

"Hello? ... Hey Simon…. I'm okay, no really, I am .…. Um, I don't know a hotel with my brother. " He looked up at Dean. "Um, which hotel are we in Dean?"

"The Stanford Park Hotel… " Dean answered reluctantly. He didn't like the idea of anyone showing up here until Sam had had some rest at least.

"The Stanford Park… No, I haven't…. I don't know if I…. No, please don't Simon, I will… Okay…. You do? Yeah, I could use them…. I… I'd rather not right now. Just tell them I'm okay. Tell them not to worry…. Man, I'm just so tired. I'll call you later okay. Yeah, I know. I miss her too." He hung up and just sat there for a minute staring at the phone.

Dean walked over and sat next to him quietly. Maybe now he would open up, thought Dean. Nope, wrong again. Sam placed the phone on the bed and went back to his previous stance of elbows on knees, head in hands. Maybe once he cleaned up he would be more relaxed.

"Here, Sam. Thought you might want to take a shower." Dean said quietly offering the clothing to his brother. Sam looked up, still avoiding Dean's eyes.

"Uh, thanks." He took the clothes and went in the bathroom, closing the door.

Dean scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed. After he pulled some clothes out for himself he lay on his bed and turned on the TV. He tried very hard to just stay calm and not go listen at the bathroom door to be sure his brother was alright. He was rethinking that decision some twenty minutes later when Sam finally came out of the bathroom. He stood next to his bed for a moment with the pile of smoky clothes, obviously unsure of what to do with them.

Dean slowly got up and took the clothing from his brother. Sam looked up and finally looked him in the eye. His eyes were bloodshot but Dean didn't think it was from crying. The lack of sleep and smoke had probably taken as much of toll on his baby brother as it had him, if not more.

Dean cleared his throat. "Don't worry about these, man. I'll… I'll take care of 'em. You okay while I take a shower?" He really didn't want to leave Sam alone but the smell of smoke was making him sick, so he could imagine what it was doing to his brother. Sam gave him the clothes almost reluctantly and nodded.

"Um, my friend Simon is gonna bring some clothes over this evening. I left them at our place a while back. He, uh, he was my roommate for a while. I'm gonna lay down I think. Try to get some rest." He looked so lost. Dean wished he could fix it, like when they were kids. But this was no skinned knee. A band-aid and a kiss on the top of the head wouldn't make him feel better anymore. This was big time grief for someone he had loved but Dean knew almost nothing about. Man, they did not have the mechanics to deal with grief. Being on the move all your life left out the usual things like having pets and grandparents and stuff. Dad hadn't had a funeral for their mom, not that Sam would remember that anyway. Hell, the first time either of them was in a cemetery they were there to salt and burn a corpse. Dean shook his head slightly to clear it.

Dean quietly went into the bathroom, hating the distance from his brother. He just didn't know what to do to help him.

Once the door was closed, he quickly removed the smoke tinged clothing and stuffed it with his brother's into a trash bag. In the shower he was happy to find Sam had left some hot water for him. He felt much better after washing the smoke and ash off but found that even washing his hair three times didn't get all of the smell out. Well, it would have to do for now. He had been separate from Sammy for too long. He got dressed and picked up the bag of clothes. He quietly opened the door and found Sam had fallen asleep. Good.

Dean took the bag outside and tossed it in the hotel dumpster. Returning to their room he walked over to his brother's bed and looked down at him. His breathing was deep with sleep and he was laying on his right side. Dean reached down and brushed Sam's overly long bangs gently off his forehead.

Sam turned his head towards his hand slightly and sighed. "Jess?' he mumbled. Dean froze but Sam did not wake. Rubbing both hands over his face, Dean went and lay down on his own bed. Sleep was out of the question no matter how tired he was. So, he waited.

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Author's Note: I don't really have a rhyme or reason to the length of a chapter; it's just kind of where it needs to stop. I would appreciate any input on that or anything else for that matter that people have noticed about my writing. Thanks for reading. As always, please review.


	3. Not Kids Anymore

**Crashing and Burning** Chapter Three

By Almost Heaven

Dean awoke from a fitful doze to a knock at the door. He was surprised to find Sam was still asleep, according to the clock on the nightstand between them nearly four hours had passed. Well, that was something good at least. Dean hurried to open the door before the knocking woke Sam.

He opened the door to find a young black man there, his arms full of dishes and a duffel bag slowly sliding off his shoulder. This must be Simon. Well, at least he did come alone. Last thing they needed was a bunch of well-wishers.

"Here, let me help you with that." Dean said as he caught the duffel bag by the strap before any dishes were lost to the floor. With some juggling, the young man let Dean take the bag off his shoulder. Dean then stepped aside and waved him in after he placed a precautionary finger to his lips. Simon nodded and quietly stepped into the room.

Apparently it didn't matter as Sam was already stirring. Simon placed the three dishes on the small counter next to the sink and turned to look at Sam.

"Hey, Sam." He said in a quiet voice. Sam looked at him with bleary eyes for a moment before who it was registered. He pushed the covers aside and slowly rose to his feet. For a moment they just stared at each other but then Sam strode over. Reaching out and clasping each other's hands in some kind of weird, at least to Dean, handshake they then hugged over their clasped arms.

"I'm so sorry, bro." Simon said very quietly. Dean felt a twinge of jealousy at his choice of words but said nothing. He had no idea who this guy was to Sam. He had mentioned they had been roommates at some point. He imagined that to Sam it would mean a lot. The odd embrace did not last long but Simon kept a hand on Sam's shoulder briefly before turning slightly so he had both brothers in view.

"Uh, sorry, Simon, this is my brother Dean." Sam said hurriedly, having just realized Dean had not been introduced to his friend. Simon smiled and offered his hand to Dean. He shook it and gave a small tight smile in return. He felt so awkward, like he was intruding on Sam's private life. The little he had seen of his baby brother in the last two years made him hesitant, unsure of where they stood.

Simon cleared his throat slightly. "These are from Rebecca and Tanya. They wanted to make sure you ate something. We know how you get when your upset." he said without looking at Sam for a moment. He pointed to each dish," That is those stuffed shells Rebecca likes to make, that is a green bean casserole that Tanya made, and this is a pumpkin pie I made." He looked at Sam with a slight smile. "No cracks about me cookin' there, Sam. I don't put on the oven mitts for just anyone."

Sam smiled at Simon then looked away, "Thanks Simon. You really didn't have to do all this." Sam looked at the dishes and the duffel bag with shining eyes. Dean's eyes narrowed, this was the first time Dean had seen Sam cry since moments after the fire. Dean wasn't sure if he should go to Sam or not. Simon being there didn't really make it easy for him to know what to do either.

"Yeah, we really did. Listen, we're getting together tomorrow night at Tanya's if you want to join us. That is if your up for it.' Simon looked uncertainly at Sam and then glanced at Dean. "I'll go so you guys can have something to eat and maybe get some rest." He placed a gently hand on Sam's shoulder and then he left quietly but quickly.

Dean was a little confused by the quick exit but decided it was a good thing. Sam looked so drained, so tired even though he had just slept. He obviously wasn't up to dealing with people right now. Dean watched as Sam opened up the duffel bag and started going though the clothes. He seemed intent on what he was doing, focused. Way to repress little brother.

Dean took the lid off the dish containing the stuffed shells and found them to be still warm. He noticed the pie dish had two plates under it and there was some silverware rolled up in some cloth napkins sitting on top of the casserole.

"Hey Sam, you want the stuffed shells or the casserole? They both look awesome." He tried to sound enthusiastic, tried to make the idea of eating sound like a good one. He didn't feel all that hungry himself but maybe if he ate he could get Sam to eat. He knew that when Sam was stressed he would forget to eat. God knows doing what they did how the kid got to be such a lanky guy. When Sam didn't respond, Dean turned to find him sitting on the bed next to the duffel, looking at a picture in his hand.

Sam looked up at him when he walked over to stand in front of him. He held up the picture for Dean to see. It was a picture of Sam and Jess smiling at the camera. They were on a beach and had obviously been in the water moments ago as their hair was plastered to their heads. Sam had his arms wrapped around Jess from behind and she was grasping his forearms, leaning into his chest. They looked happy, carefree.

"I found it in a jeans pocket. I wondered what happened to this." Dean sat beside him on the bed, his leg resting against his brothers. Sam cradled the picture in his hands, the edges of it worn from being crammed into the pocket of his jeans. A small smile on his face, he traced his finger over Jess' face. "I remember being at the beach that Saturday. Jess had just sold a painting and wanted to celebrate so we went to the beach for the day. Some friends showed up in the afternoon and we played volleyball. We ate dinner on the sand and we stayed to watch the sunset. " Tears were coursing down his cheeks again. "I'm never going to see her smile again. Never hear her laugh at my lame jokes. Or…or…" He covered his face with one hand, shaking and crying silently.

Dean slowly put his arm over his baby brother's shoulders, giving him the chance to move away if he wished. Sam didn't. Sam leaned towards his brother, taking the comfort that was being given. Dean put his chin on the top of his brother's head and closed his eyes. For a moment, just a moment, it was like they were kids again and this silent embrace was all Sam needed to still his fears and quiet his tears. But they were not kids anymore and this was more than bruised feelings or a bump on the head from falling of a bike. Sam pulled away and wiped fiercely at his eyes. Dean sighed.

Sam stood up and finished sorting out the clothing from the duffel. He placed the picture in their father's journal and then picked up his cell phone with a determined look on his face. Sitting down at the table, he sorted through his contacts until he found the one he was looking for.

"Uh, Mr. Moore. It's Sam. " He paused, listening. One hand rose to rest on the back of his neck. "No, I'm …. I'm fine….. I'm with my brother. We're at the Stanford Park. How's Margaret doing?" Another pause, this one much longer. "I can be there." He grabbed a pen and the pad of paper next to the hotel phone. He scribbled down something. The hand moved from the back of his neck to over his eyes. "Mr. Moore, sir. I'm so sorry." His voice was filled with such pain. His hand moved yet again to fidget with their father's journal. Dean could see it all in his face yet again. And he didn't understand. Sam had nothing to feel guilty about. There was no way he could have saved Jess.

Sam slowly put the phone down and then rested his head in his hands again. Dean started to move towards him again when he stood up abruptly and picked up a small stack of clothes. He cleared his throat and then looked at Dean," Tomorrow I'm going to meet Jess' parents at the funeral home. They…. They want me there. " He looked down at the floor and his voice became very quiet. "I want you there. I don't think I can face them alone."

"Of course, Sammy. Anything you need." Dean was surprised. Happy but surprised. Sam had seemed so distant; Dean hadn't been sure where they stood. The circumstances sucked but he was a big brother again. He would do whatever it took to get Sam through this. He was not prepared for what Sam said next though.

"It'll be dark in a couple of hours. We should be able to check out the apartment then. I'm gonna go change." With that announcement he went into the bathroom. Dean ran a hand over his short hair. He had hoped Sam would wait a few days before he would go back in there. He wasn't kidding before when he said they had work to do.

He was gonna jump right into this and Dean knew, he knew this could only end badly.

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	4. Fractured

**Crashing and Burning** Chapter Four

By Almost Heaven

Dean put the car in park and looked at his brother in the passenger seat. They were in the alley behind his brother's apartment building. Sam stared at it. His brow was furrowed and his lips formed a thin line on his pale face.

"Are you sure about this, Sam?" Dean looked uncertainly at his little brother. He had been very quiet since his statement that they were to check out the apartment. Without a word, he exited the car and went to the trunk. He opened it, pulling out a flashlight and a handgun. Dean followed suit, a grim set to his features. He could see the police tape around the flight of stairs that led into the building from the alley. Sam headed over and ducked under the tape his flashlight shining before him. Dean followed as they headed up the smoke stained stairway to the third floor and Sam's apartment.

The door to the apartment was ajar, probably because of the damage Dean did when he kicked it in. Dean moved ahead of his brother into the room when Sam hesitated. As much as Dean wanted to keep an eye on Sam during what was going to be a difficult time, there was still a chance that the thing that had killed Jess might be around so he was going to clear the place first. Sam didn't protest as he moved past him inside. While Dean moved swiftly through the rooms looking for possible dangers, Sam walked in slowly, looking at his former home in its new sodden and burnt splendor.

Memories assaulted Sam as he stood in the front room. Looking at the apartment with Jess and the landlord, moving in with Simon and Rebecca's help, the first night sleeping in it together. All these and more traipsed through his mind as he slowly walked to the bedroom. In the doorway he found Dean. He stood there with his flashlight pointed inside. He seemed frozen in place. Sam shook himself out of reverie as he came up behind his brother.

"Dean?" he said as he put a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Yeah, Sam?" came the distant reply.

Sam frowned. Crap. He hadn't thought about how this could be affecting his big brother. Dean was always so strong, so sure of himself. What could possibly faze him? He gave his brother's shoulder a little shake.

Dean tore his eyes from the worst moment of his life and looked back at his brother. His very alive baby brother. He swallowed thickly and fought back the sting of threatening tears. He could still see Sam writhing on the bed, calling out his girlfriend's name. He would not have left that room if Dean hadn't pulled him out. His brother would have died in there if he hadn't come back. Dean closed his eyes and rested his hand on the hand on his shoulder.

Sam was surprised to see the raw emotion on his brother's face. The moment was brief however. Dean opened his eyes and gave his hand a squeeze before stepping into the room, shining his flashlight about with a critical eye. Sam followed although he stopped just inside the blackened room. His eyes were drawn upward, to the spot where he last saw his Jess. It wasn't there. The part of the ceiling that would have been over the bed had fallen onto it. The firemen must have moved it when they were looking for Jess. It was resting against the wall near the bed.

Dean slowly moved around the room checking out the little hidey places and the closets for signs of danger. Finding nothing he returned to the doorway where Sam still stood.

"The place seems clear." He paused and looked at Sam. Here we go. "Sam, I hate to say it but you know more about what would be out of place here then me." He watched as Sam slowly nodded.

Sam turned around and headed back to the front door. Moving slowly and carefully, he worked his way around the entire apartment. He examined the doors and the windows. He shifted around burnt debris and searched the entire apartment. He tried not to let his memories override his hunter's instinct. He ignored the broken picture frames and Jess' clothes spilled from the closet. He tried not to think of her paintings on the walls, blackened with smoke, the bright colors and smooth shapes she liked to paint gone. He needed to find her killer. The monster that took the women from his life and fractured his soul.

Dean followed a little behind as Sam moved around. He was still watching in case the thing came back but he also watched Sam. He could see this was hard for him. Would have been more worried if it wasn't. This had been his home. More than any other place he had had in his life. Here he was Joe-college, with a girlfriend and a normal life. Dean regretted what he had said back in Jericho about Sam being just like him, like their father. Sam never really wanted to hunt. He trained and went on hunts because their father expected it, ordered it. He was good at it but his heart wasn't in it. He didn't want to hunt; he just went along to keep his brother and father safe. Now he was back in it, with revenge on his mind. Dean just hoped that this was not a bad idea.

Sam stopped back at the front door. He looked closely at the lock, broken through with the door jam cracked.

"I did that, Sam. " Dean said quietly from behind Sam. His brother looked at him and nodded.

"I don't really see anything out of place. I mean with the fire and the water damage it's really hard to say for sure but I just don't see anything." he says with a huff of frustration. "With all the smoke, I can't tell if there was any ozone smell. I didn't see any unusual marks or objects that don't belong here." He began to pace the small hallway as he spoke. "We need to go to the library, check and see if there were any other unusual fires recently. And…. and…. check into the history of this building…what else, what else?!" He gestured wildly as he spoke. Dean could see he was extremely upset.

"Sam!" Dean exclaimed as he reached out and caught one of his brother's arms. Sam flinched but didn't pull away. "Sam, calm down. We'll do that. We will. Tomorrow we will go to the library and check out whatever you want. Okay?" He looked at his brother with concern. He had never seen him so agitated, so out of control. That was his gig.

"Alright." Sam took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I just feel so helpless. Whatever did this killed mom. We need to find it and kill it. No one else should have to go through what we have." He looked at the door at the end of hall for a moment, the door to the bedroom. Then he slowly, very slowly, turned and left the apartment. Dean followed after a last glance into the apartment. He knew they would never be coming back.

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Author's Note: Sorry this one is shorter. I felt I had to end it as they left the apartment. The next one should follow shortly, I hope. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. Laters.


	5. No Rest For The Wicked

**Crashing and Burning **Chapter Five

By Almost Heaven

The drive back to the hotel was as silent as the drive to the apartment. Upon reaching their room, Sam mechanically set about getting ready for bed. A maid had obviously been in the room as the beds were freshly made and the food was once again wrapped in its various plastic and foil. Dean made himself a plate of the stuffed shells and settled on the bed to eat.

"You know, Sam, you really should eat something. These stuffed shells are pretty good." At this point, he was actually starving and he knew Sam had to be hungry, whether he would admit it or not. Sam paused in his gathering of bathroom supplies and glanced at the counter of food. With a slight grimace he wandered over and filled a plate with stuffed shells and casserole. He also settled his back against his headboard. At first, he just kind of poked at the food but after taking a bite of the pasta he began to eat with more gusto.

Once finished with his own plate, Dean cleaned it and his fork in the sink and set it back next to the dishes on the counter. Picking up his jacket, he pulled out his cell phone so he could charge it. As he pulled out the phone, a business card fell to the floor. He picked it up and then cursed softly.

"What?" asks Sam around a mouthful of food.

Dean looked up at his brother and sighed. "I'm sorry, Sam. I completely forgot we have to go somewhere in the morning." He hesitated, unsure how Sam was going to take this.

Sam just looked at him expectantly, an eyebrow raised questionly. For a moment Dean sees the old Sam giving him his "what did you do" look. Then he casts his eyes back to his plate where he pushed his food around some more.

This is just gonna suck thought Dean. "We have an appointment with an Officer Bryant at the police station tomorrow." He paused as Sam looked up at him in panic. "He wanted a statement this morning but I talked him out of it. I'm sorry Sammy." He watched as his brother set down his plate and crossed his arms across his chest. Classic Sam is not a happy camper. His brother looked from side to side rapidly, obviously trying to work it out in his brain. Dean waited for him to look at him before he continued. "All we have to do is go in and tell him a believable story. Shouldn't be that hard, won't have to lie that much. But we will have to lie, Sam. Can you do that?"

Sam frowned and looked down at his bed. To think that yesterday he was worried about having to lie to Jess about what he and Dean had been doing this weekend. This was so messed up. Yeah, Dean was right. He just didn't want him to be. Not about the lying part, that was so true. Sam wasn't prepared to relive the fire. Not now, maybe not ever. He was going to have to though. So far, he had managed to keep the memory in a little corner of his mind, so he could function. Now he would have to dig it out, something he knew was not a good idea.

Sam looked at Dean and could see his big brother was watching him carefully. He knew that look. Dean was waiting for him to start talking. Sam was always the one to open up and talk about things that bothered him. He didn't keep anything from his brother. The nightmares he had as a child, his first crush in high school, even his decision to go to college he talked about with Dean. Sam felt a cold pit of fear in his stomach. For the first time in his life there was something to horrible, to painful, to discuss with Dean. His dreams about Jess dying had come true. He didn't know what to do about it. He didn't know what it meant. But he did know that he couldn't tell Dean. Not yet.

Sam cleared his throat." I have to. I guess the easiest thing is leave out seeing Jess. " He flinched when he said it. "I'll tell them I was asleep and you came in and pulled me out. Short and sweet." He tried to look determined, strong. From the look on Dean's face he wasn't buying it. Sam leaned his head back and sighed.

"Sam, I know this sucks. But we talk to this cop once and we're done. Then we can go to the library and see what we can find out." Dean hoped that emphasizing their search for Jess' killer would take his mind off of what he would have to talk about in the morning. Secretly, he didn't believe they were going to find anything. Their dad hadn't when Mom died. He wouldn't tell Sam to give up though, not ever. Sam had to figure this out for himself. If Dean tried to make him stop, Sam would never forgive him.

"Its late, we should get some sleep." Dean said as he pulled out some clothes and changed for sleep. Sam cleaned up his plate and put it with Dean's. Climbing into his bed, he lay on his back as he always did to go to sleep. Dean was already under his blankets and reached over, turning out the light when he could see Sam was settled.

Dean woke out of a slight doze to Sam coughing and crying out. He knew before he reached his side that Sam was not really awake yet as he jerked to a sitting position crying out for Jess and coughing harshly just like he had been when Dean had drug him from the apartment.

Dean barely caught him before he fell from the bed her name dying on his lips as the realization that he was not in that apartment hit him. His head thudded into Dean's chest as he remembered what had happened, his breath still catching in his throat. Dean held onto his shoulders and said nothing. No words would take away this fresh touch with grief. He just held on and waited to see what his baby brother wanted.

Sam looked up slowly, tears sliding down his cheeks. He wasn't sure what he expected to see on his brother's face but the concern and love he did see was a strangely welcome sight. When they were kids, Dean had been the one to fix his bumps and bruises. He made Sam feel safe, even to this day. Sam knew his brother was not good at sharing his feelings. He liked people to think he was this tough untouchable guy but Sam knew he felt things just as deeply as he himself did. He just didn't seem to know how to handle those feelings so he repressed them until he couldn't take it anymore. Until he exploded one way or another. Sam didn't want to force his brother to deal with his little brother's grief. He knew he was a mess and he was going to totally lose it if he let himself really feel it.

Looking at his brother now, Sam realized Dean wasn't judging him on their fathers terms, he wasn't expecting him to act like a soldier. There was no judgment at all. He was looking at his brother, his overprotective big brother, who loved him.

Sam gave in. He let his walls fall and he leaned against his brother's strong chest and cried. Not the silent tears that he had felt the wetness of yesterday. No these were gut wrenching sobs of loss that made him feel like his chest was splitting in two and his heart was breaking just a little bit more with each one.

Dean felt Sam press against him and he wrapped his arms around his baby brother's shoulders. Each sob vibrated through their embrace and made him want to cry as well. He didn't let himself though. Sammy needed him to be strong so he could really let go. He could feel it. The kid was shaking like a leaf and clutching at his shirt like he was afraid he would leave. Dean grabbed handfuls of the back of his brother's t-shirt and leaned his head against his brother's. He wasn't going anywhere and he wanted Sam to know that.

They stayed like that for over an hour until Sam finally started to straighten up, clearing his throat. Once Dean was sure he was with the here and now, he helped him back up on the bed and then moved over to sink to fill a glass with water. He brought the glass over and handed it to Sam, sitting on the bed beside him. Sam took it gratefully and drank it quickly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dean asked once Sam was done with the water.

Sam glanced over at him and then back at the glass in his hand with a slight frown on his face. "Not really." He paused then looked Dean in the eye. "Dean, I know this is not easy for you."

Dean started to protest but Sam put up his hand to cut him off. "No, here me out. You said yourself back in Jericho. No chick flick moments. You never have been good with emotional stuff so I want to just want to say thank you. For being here. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come back. If you hadn't pulled me from that building. I guess I'm just trying to say I'm glad you're here, big brother."

Dean smiled at his brother. "I'll always be here, Sammy." Dean's smile turned into an impish grin as he looked at this sleep ruffled baby brother. "Now, if ya don't mind, we need to get some more shuteye before you give in to this slumber party moment and start trying to braid my hair or something." He moved over to his bed quickly before Sam had a chance to react to his lame attempt at humor. He slid into his covers just in time to receive Sam's extra pillow in the face. Yep, that's his little brother. Maybe he would be okay after all.

the end

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Author's Note: Okay that was probably as lame as I think it was. I had intended this story to be longer but I just can't seem to keep going with it. I'm sorry but real life has trumped the bunny this time and rather than go on a long hiatus I just shortened it a bit. Please don't flame me. Thank you to all those that reviewed and I hope your not too disappointed. Laters.


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